"Leaving" For College

About a year and a half ago I was sitting at a BJ’s in the Bay. I was there with my mom and some of her teacher friends. With me being a junior at the time, they asked me questions about what colleges I was thinking about applying to. I simply said “I don’t know” hoping that they would drop the topic, but they didn’t. My mom finally nudged me saying that I needed to give them a better answer. “I don’t know, I like film so maybe that. I also like anthropology, psychology, sociology, design, journalism, and architecture. So maybe one of those.”

I watched as their eyes widened. One of them blurted out “Wow, none of those go together, you should try to narrow that down.”

So, that’s what I did for the next year of my life, trying to narrow that down, and it was a struggle. I’ve never known what I wanted to do. When I was little, I wanted to be an artist. Then when I got older, I wanted to be a screenplay writer. Then, I wanted to be a graphic designer. Then, I had no clue what I wanted to do and it felt like a never-ending void of confusion and anxiety.

When the time to apply to college came, I chose my major super impulsively. As I’ve had more time to think about, I’ve realized that I don’t want to be in that major. Then, I toured colleges that I weren’t thrilled about, and applied to them. Then I got into them, and it felt like the entire world had collapsed around me. Now I had to make one of the biggest decisions of my life, not really feeling passionate about any of my options or about the thing I was studying. I made pros and cons lists, I looked up YouTube videos of people who went there, and I talked about it with other people. I was hoping that one of them would at least grow on me. However, they never did. So, I denied them. I’m not going to a college that does not fit my needs for the sake of going to college. There will always be another chance to apply. Making a mistake the first time around is not shameful, just annoying.

Watching all my friends post their college announcements and change the schools in their Instagram bios had me overflowed with jealousy. Jealousy is a funny feeling, one I very rarely feel. I felt like I had ruined everything for myself. I was angry that I couldn’t “just be like them.” This is absurd though. It’s important to realize at times like these that everyone goes at their own pace. Eventually, we will all get to where we need to be.

HOW TO AVOID THIS

My situation is not uncommon, but, it’s avoidable if you follow these tips:

1. Apply for different majors. Don’t feel like you have to be tied down to a certain major if you’re unsure about it. If you like film and journalism, apply to some schools as a journalism major and some schools as a film major. If I would have done this, I would have been able to look into schools that fit a variety of my interests, rather than looking into schools that only had one of my interests.

2. Apply to every place that you could possibly want to go. This was another mistake I made. I applied to places that I didn’t truly want to go to. I know that I hate LA and the areas around it. So, why did I think it was a good idea to apply to schools around there? I know that I like cities and forests, so why didn’t I apply to more places around those areas? Don’t miss out on going to a place that you’ll like because you weren’t thinking correctly while you were applying.

3. If you are unsure about everything, just stay at home. Unfortunately, I have 60 credits and an AA, so this isn’t exactly a practical option for me. However, if you have not completed your AA or you don’t mind wasting some credits, stay at Delta for a year and figure yourself out. There is no shame in staying because most people change their major when they get to college. Don’t feel as though you have failed yourself because you stayed because really, you’re being the smarter one by not wasting money on doing a major you don’t like.

A Questionable Goodbye

As I say goodbye to high school, I still wonder if I made the correct choices. I even applied late to some schools. But, everything will be okay. To all the future seniors reading this, apply for college is exhausting and by the end, you’ll have the attitude of “I need a *nonalcoholic* drink.”

Also, trying to figure out why or why you didn’t get admitted somewhere is a waste of time and will only make you more distressed about the situation. Whatever results come from your college application journey, just know that no matter what choice you make, there is no shame in your game.

Goodbye, everyone!